New Canadian Passport Features QR Code That Auto-Apologizes at Border Crossings
I used to stammer through a nervous apology whenever a U.S. border guard glared at me, but now my passport does it for me. It’s a game-changer
Ottawa, ON — To streamline international travel while maintaining Canada’s reputation for politeness, the federal government has introduced a new passport feature, a built-in QR code that, when scanned, automatically issues a heartfelt "Sorry, eh?" at border crossings.
The innovation comes as part of the latest passport redesign, which also controversially removed images of Vimy Ridge and Terry Fox in favor of more “modern, inclusive” representations—such as a blank white page symbolizing the neutrality of all Canadian opinions.
Minister of Immigration, Refugees, and Citizenship, Marc Miller, announced the feature during a press conference, emphasizing its efficiency. “For too long, Canadians have been stuck in lengthy border delays, apologizing manually. With this cutting-edge technology, we can now say sorry automatically, ensuring our national politeness remains intact without causing unnecessary bottlenecks.”
The new system works upon scanning the QR code at customs, an automated voice—sounding eerily like a cross between Celine Dion and a Tim Hortons drive-thru speaker—immediately apologizes in both official languages. For added authenticity, the system will detect the mood of the customs officer and adjust accordingly, ranging from a casual "Oops, my bad, eh?" for minor infractions to a desperate "Oh dear, I'm so, so sorry, please don't deport me!" for more serious cases.
The feature has received mixed reactions from Canadians. Frequent traveler Greg Thompson of Calgary said, “I used to stammer through a nervous apology whenever a U.S. border guard glared at me, but now my passport does it for me. It’s a game-changer.”
However, critics argue the system could have unintended consequences.
“I scanned my passport at Heathrow, and the machine immediately apologized for colonialism,” said Toronto resident Linda Choi. “I was detained for three hours.”
Despite the controversy, the government is reportedly considering further upgrades, including a maple syrup-scented biometric chip and an emergency button that plays "O Canada" at a polite volume if a traveler is in distress.
In the meantime, travelers are advised to carry a backup supply of Tim Hortons gift cards in case the automated apology isn't enough to smooth things over.